How do we let go of things that are not working for us and establish new healthier habits
and patterns? This is a challenge we all face and, I must admit, I face it too. The hardest
one I faced was to quit smoking. It was my coping mechanism for dealing with stress,
anxiety, insomnia, kept me from emotional eating, it was basically a panacea for just
about any negative emotional state in which I found myself.
The first step was to choose. Letting go of the negative is a choice, first and foremost. I
chose to quit smoking for me. Other times I tried to quit for other people and did not
succeed. You have to be self motivated. If your motivation is extrinsic, you are not going
to be as successful because it is not as meaningful as something you want to do for
you.
Does willpower play a role? To a certain extent. But it is not the only thing that you need
I would be lying if I did not say that a healthy dose of stubbornness got me over the first
hump, which was the first three days. Those were the hardest. However, force of will will
not get you very far when breaking a behavior pattern that is deeply entrenched if you
want to succeed long term. You need to look for alternative healthier coping
mechanisms to deal with the issues you are trying to avoid with your negative coping
mechanism. You then replace the negative behavior with the healthier coping
mechanism.
Examples of some healthier ways I have found to deal with stressors, rather than
smoking out my frustrations have been chewing gum, crunching popcorn (no butter),
writing out what I am feeling, and talking it out with the cat while scratching her under
the chin. She is an excellent listener. Phone calls with friends can also be a resource as
well.
It also helps to have people around you who either take part in or embrace whatever the
healthy lifestyle changes you are trying to engage in. A support system and a sense of
community can be invaluable in making changes.
So, if you want to let go of an entrenched behavior pattern, be sure you are motivated to
do it for you and not for someone else. Plan what healthier behaviors you are going to
put in place of the behavior you want to let go of, and seek support from others who are
part of a healthier mindframe.
By Julie Morse
